Sometimes

My daughter passed away on Sunday afternoon between 4 and 4:30pm. I've been crying since. I am crying now. Don't think I want to do anything else. I loved my baby with all my heart (as every other parent should) and it broke me to lose her. Sometimes, you get a really good deal (my wife) and then you do one better and get another really good deal (Keira Wanyenze Kanyana aka my daughter), and sometimes you lose one of them and it breaks your heart but you are thankful that you lost one because you can not imagine losing both of them.



On another note, my car reconstruction project is almost done. I will upload photos of the completed ride (its a 1986 Landcruiser LJ70 Bundera) and I am hoping it will look ballistic. In the event that it does not, people, please don't lie to me because I am fragile (who knew? :-)) I will know and I will not like you very much. I have to run now so you people be cool. If I am rambling I am sorry, my thoughts are at large and apprehension is proving difficult. Have a nice day and remember to holler at the people you love.

Thank y'all that were and have continued being there for us throughout this trying period. My village is out of this world (literally) and my mountainous relatives had never seen so many cars at a go (not counting tv and print media). For you that almost got lost, we are thankful that you did not because you'd be doomed to living on that mountain pakalast. Oh, someone suggested with my kind of retinue that day, I should run for MP...I am thinking about it :-)

Speechless - Michael Jackson

If y'all don't mind, my song is sung to the tune of MJ's "Speechless". All together now...

Life is hazardous
That's how I feel
I can not wait, to leave this place
Gone is the plan that I had for today
i am at the children's clinic
for immunization (long)

But I am...suffering, suffering
wish I were a pediatrician
then we'd chill
at our house
and I would would treat my child

I'd save tons of money,
and ensure that all is well
and it wouldn't matter
if she screams at night
coz she'd do it for free

Helpless, homeless
that has nothing to do with me
if you're looking
for continuity, then you're on the wrong blog
I have since switched subjects, my cyber mind's in charge
and it's spewing, all sorts of stuff
to complete my remix.

Harmless, topless
ha, I am on a roll
I am going and going
and I might never stop
I hope you are all hanging in
and praying for this man's soul
whose two minds are warring in his head.


If you've sung this far, you are my hero. I tried and stopped just before my terminator chip kicked in.

We took our little one for immunization and the little boss is screaming like her entire clan has been abducted by aliens and Facebook has been bought by Microsoft (which would be terrible - will discuss this another time).

My poor wife, she's not hit the night town for three straight months now and she's really excited because tonight, we are in this town pakalast. Breast pump was active earlier so our house help will watch all the La Tormenta she can before we return...and she'll have company. It's a win(x)-win(y)-win(z); all axes covered :-) I am sure DJ Benny D is as excited to see us as we are to hear from his turntables. Gotta drive now, guess we'll meet at the show.

Brian, about the warcraft title you sorta snatched during my hiatus. The Association didn't have the courtesy to let me know I wasn't in charge anymore. They let me run by Brian's home where I was soundly trounced. I am ready. Tremble in fear!!! Muhahahahaha

Who knows??

What a day I am having! What do people mean we don't appreciate what we have? A friend of mine who'd just returned from the land of one of my colonial masters* was marveling at the amount of sunshine in Kiwatule. Sunshine?? Really, people, after years of education and careful research, I have ascertained that the sun shines on all of us equally and the amount of exposure - sum(all the basements, burrows and dungeons of this world, night time) = Equal amounts of sun light for everyone. Don't worry about the math, it makes sense to me so it should be enough for you. What's in a waterfall anyway? Lots of water cascading from on high and climaxing in a loud crescendo of indescribable sound. I was at a waterfall last week and everyone was oohhing and aahhing (eyeing?) and I was thinking... I did notice something interesting though, the cliff appears to flow upwards if you look at the waterfall for 5 seconds and suddenly look to its left or right. Don't worry if you don't keep up, I highlighted my observation to my fellow waterfallers and they didn't at first so keep figuring, good luck.

I've had a series of peaceful nights. I think my daughter aka the terrorizer aka Banshee has had a change of heart about stressing her daddy at night. She's like the prettiest, quietest, most thoughtful little woman I know. I know she's not intentionally being good to me but I appreciate it anyway. I gotta run, programme's hollering at me.

*I've since sold out the rest of my body to the Swiss so all my clothes are squatters.

Morning after

Haha, gotcha! Did my title get you going? Anyway, I had this huge sleep debt (with interest) I paid off last night. I slept 8 straight hours and through 11 missed calls from hyperactive revelers in Jinja, my wife (and daughter, I hope) and my herd of hooligans (friends if you like). Talk about debt relief :-)

Why is it that when you are introduced to a stranger, you say "pleased to meet you"? Sometimes, the guy is a totally unlikeable braggart with a DIY accent and he keeps telling you about his exploits with the fairer (!all the time) sex. How he slept with this or that guy's girl (You know George Karii, eh, his kyana sorted me out) and so on. I am talking about a guy I met and immensely disliked so I am pulling no stops in my hating. Anyway, I said I was pleased to meet him and retired to my lodgings. Just before I started paying off my debt, I thought about it and realized I shouldn't have said that. What if he thinks I was genuinely pleased to meet him and wants to be friends! Anyway, we will not meet again, if I can help it.

Meanwhile, I am listening to the king of autotune and I am having trouble putting any of the stuff he's rapping about into context. Going forward, I am getting a writing pad and writing down lyrics in the hope that I might find a relation between anything he says and humanity in general (the complexity is mind boggling, as if a cross between a huge jigsaw and understanding what drives the Munumuxian racial caste system*) for example "Getting mug from everybody who see, then hang over the wall of the VIP." Anyway, will report my findings one day because this looks like my new life's work. Mid next year, I'll start on a new lil wayne song (if I am done with this one by then)

Remember to love yourself first (n/a if you are dating/married/stark raving mad**)

*On the planet Munumux
Located in a galaxy far far far away, Munumux is a world about the size of the Earth with 41 moons and orbiting 12 suns (it is very hot on Munumux!) The native Munumuxians are graded by degree of tan so they spend all day outside basking in their suns. The elders are referred to as "Ashes" and they are at the top of the hierachy (they are also dead) and so on. I think an Earthling called Ragga dee or Magga Ree or something sang a song about them sometime.

**
Mad people can love anything above themselves (geckos, fruits, mirror images, the ozone layer, demonstrations etc)

Work...and more work. No sleep, rambling speech

It's unbelievable how much time other people have and how much time they assume I have. Yesterday was a terrible day, I came to Jinja to wind up a project we've been running for a few months now. I slept late, woke up really early and headed to the venue. I can not believe these hooligans showed up quarrelling about whether the Banyala are technically Baganda and who the rightful king of Busoga is. WTF? I don't care if the Banyala are descended from the Brits or the Dutch or the king is verizite so it is not fair to subject me to this rubbish. Rubbish!!!

Anyway, on a colonial note, I just did the math and I think I should send a proposal to the American embassy concerning our colonialism. Uganda needs to be re-colonised. Yeah, its unfortunate this came up so close to our "independence day" but it hit me kinda hard while I was leaving Kampala on the alleged Northern bypass. I say alleged because the highway is too narrow to hold a decent demonstration on...unless the rioters are chugging it along indian file (which technically speaking is a queue not a demonstration). It was alleged (again) that the bypass was a dual carriage highway autobahn style and we were dying to burn rubber on this road. We are now dead!

Now, say we were colonized by Switzerland, imagine the possibilities, no more fake rolexes and breitlings and roads; upon comparison, the people from Kabale would realise they are nowhere near being the Switzerland of Uganda because the Swiss would run the whole country anyway. Anyway, I hearby declare myself a Swiss protectorate, my body is now the property of the state of Switzerland. To hell with independence!!

I am in the middle of a focus group discussion and everyone is looking at me and thinking the boss is taking serious notes and I am so bored with the petty issues these chaps are raising. How can envy be a serious concern for 14 grown men with nice phones? This is not a question I expect you to answer. I am so sleepy. Wonder how my girls are doing. Gotta get back to work before my cybernetic brain starts transmitting the evil alien signals that get the verbal barrage going. You people take care.

P.s
I need to hire 4 MUK IT finalists who write a lot of PHP for a project I am working on. It's a full time job (pay is 200,000 - 250,000) at our office in Kampala. If you know someone that's interested, have them comment on this post.

Repression! Oppression! Why we love them.

Sorry about the title, was planning to summarise my home grown socio-philosophical-political analysis (does that mouthful sound wrong?) but I am having a brilliant early day and like other FATHERS, I am a scatterbrain when I am pleased. Try it, call your dad and let him know you just won the lottery, then quickly test his arithmetic. If you get a numerical answer from him, your dad is an exception to the general rule.

Ask me why I am having a good day. Go on, ask me. If you've read this far, you'll hear about my day later anyway. Anyway I was reading this original public domain book called "Star makers apprentice: A novel exploration into higher dimensions and the nature of the gods." It completely changed the way I think about our universe. Hitherto, i (like everyone else) thought civilised earth 2009 was populated by the higher end apes (Homo Sapien/Superior) with the base ape configuration, prehensile digits, opposable thumbs, some intelligence, the works.

LAB EXERCISE 1.0:
Let's head to the lab; boil some water in a huge test tube > 9000cc, add 6 tablespoons of white gold (high grade mexican or colombian). Add 1kg of marijuana nicely diced and add few poppy seeds for flavour. If you are into cooking with wine, tighten your safety goggles and drop a few thimblefuls and let your concoction simmer.

My mind has always had a tendency to run in circles. If its my mind, why the hell does it not obey me (Oh shit, am I my mind? Is my mind me? Are you my mind?)

Anyway back to this book I read, the author claims he met the angels and they live one dimension away from us and their dimension is like 10 dimensional so I figured in addition to the x,y,z axes, they have the &,),%,#,},{ dimensions as well. Take the % dimension, who decides who's top and who's bottom (if you don't understand what I am saying, help us both and enter the matrix or your bed, your choice.) I think I have discovered another Homo genus I've dubbed Homo Drugaddicticticus. To cause this interesting inter-genus mutation, see lab exercise 1.0. The Starmaker's Apprentice is clearly neither Homo Sapien nor Superior so I hereby (by his leave, of course) conscript him into this new genus. Check it out at www.feedbooks.org and let me know what you think.

This is getting out of hand and my mind cycles are getting wider and wider so I'll wrap up. I am happy because of daughter smiled at me yesterday and made the peace sign and they are both real pretty (my wife and daughter, I mean) Just realized again, as I do every cycle, I am the luckiest man in all the dimensions (angels are not men, afreets are not either so technically its just you, me and the few billion earthlings eligible)

P.s
I think I have two brains and sometimes the brain waves overlap so my human brain receives the alien signals from my cybernetic brain and it wrecks havoc with my rational thought (my excuse :-) )

Good morning world, I am going to be a father. No joking, I am going to be a bona fide daddy. My wife has been pregnant for, I dunno, eight months or something and clearly the endgame has begun. I woke up at 7am today to go see rooms/wards at the hospital and it hit me. Hit me like a man between sledge hammer and a hard place. It amazing how after nearly three decades, you think you've seen it all...

Anyway, just in case you are expecting your first baby like moi and you're still having fun, BE NICE 2 YR WIFE!! You'll need the support when you walk into the hospital. Yeah yeah, you are the guy (not pregnant, instigator of the pregnancy, possible father etc) but the sober color and ambience (?) of the labor ward will reduce you to jelly. "so you are the father, ehh?" asks the midwife. Fool, what do I look like, the baby??? No one said that but I think that would be my response. Nerves, nerves...

On a better note though, I am thankful and excited about the next next president of America, he'll be born somewhere around August 25 and I can't wait. I am sure my tummy toting wife is tired and wonders what her knees look like nowadays. Sometimes, I show her mine for old times sake. Not that they are anything like hers but patella is patella. We make do with what I have :-)

Once, twice, thrice, frice, fronce, froth... how the hell do you say "the fourth time"? English is so inadequate sometimes. Do they have a word for guys who park badly? A wheel with no wheel cap? A rhino on a rampage? Nah, no real new words in a while. Blog is not an english word...argue all you like, provide references, when you done, put your evidence in a bowl, add some milk, a banana and EAT it. My uncle has been teaching English for aeons and he doesn't know what blogging is. He probably thinks I am trying to say bogging, which means a whole new thing altogether. He learnt to speak English from an ENGLISH man so his credentials are not in doubt. When you learn MAD from a ...man, you know you got the real shiznit. Ante natal is done, gotta run. You good people have a nice day.

ps
Tweet is an english word. It has nothing to do with the futyscking internet.

pps
In case you were wondering, the words are badparknista (pl. badparknistae) nudewheel (pl. nudewheels) and tazrhino (pl. tazrhinoes)

Rubbish, absolute rubbish. Well that's how I am feeling this morning. Ever have that feeling your eyes are going to pop if you let any light in? Fat chance anyone knows how I am feeling. You're all at work, pretending you have been anxiously waiting for Tuesday morning to make your boss the proudest mid-level manager in the world. Evil Peon!!

Anyway, I am in bed (my wife too) and I can not seem to wake up. I've said hi 10 times now and asks if I am not working today. Can't blame her, she has no idea her husband's eyes will pop if I let in more than one (1) ray of light. So, i flick an eyelid and say hi. My sight is in peril here, but I can't explain why to her, she'll snort and leave me for mad so I'll shoulder my burden alone. Jesus did, who am I not to? If she insists, I'll put my sight on the line for her.

What's eyesight anyway? An unrealistic sense that causes you to judge stuff wrong. I mean, people still fall down stairs, something blind people never do. Oh no, it's us and our overrated sight. Oh, that's a nice kitty, come here kitty, aaargh!! That's it fool, kitties are dangerous. If you hadn't seen it, you would not have tried to touch it, it follows then that you would not have been killed by kitty. So there you have it, I am going to open my eyes now and risk this hopelessly overrated sense.

Think about it, eyes just get you in trouble. Ever have a sweet dream. Well guess what, your eyes were closed while you had it. When you make love, guess what happens to your eyes when you climax, they shut, silly things; and when you kiss, the silly things are closed. I wont miss them at all. Goodbye left eye, I am opening you first, haha. I'll pop your friend last, Muhahahahaha!!

had a brilliant day 2day. the bank called and told me I had money on my account. can you imagine how nice it feels? called up my landlord and told him about the leaky sink and the dust from the road. muhahahaha, waited him to bring up the rent...

Landlord: but you know I can not fix without money.
Me: Is this about the rent?
Landlord: No, I am just saying I can not fix without money.
Me: So you are not saying my rent is due?
Landlord: It is due.
Me: So are you going to fix the sink? How much do you need.
Landlord: Three months
Me: You need the money to fix the sink three months in advance??
Landlord: No, the rent

anyway, I am rambling at will here. Maybe I should not have smoked that rubbish :-(