Good morning world, I am going to be a father. No joking, I am going to be a bona fide daddy. My wife has been pregnant for, I dunno, eight months or something and clearly the endgame has begun. I woke up at 7am today to go see rooms/wards at the hospital and it hit me. Hit me like a man between sledge hammer and a hard place. It amazing how after nearly three decades, you think you've seen it all...

Anyway, just in case you are expecting your first baby like moi and you're still having fun, BE NICE 2 YR WIFE!! You'll need the support when you walk into the hospital. Yeah yeah, you are the guy (not pregnant, instigator of the pregnancy, possible father etc) but the sober color and ambience (?) of the labor ward will reduce you to jelly. "so you are the father, ehh?" asks the midwife. Fool, what do I look like, the baby??? No one said that but I think that would be my response. Nerves, nerves...

On a better note though, I am thankful and excited about the next next president of America, he'll be born somewhere around August 25 and I can't wait. I am sure my tummy toting wife is tired and wonders what her knees look like nowadays. Sometimes, I show her mine for old times sake. Not that they are anything like hers but patella is patella. We make do with what I have :-)

Once, twice, thrice, frice, fronce, froth... how the hell do you say "the fourth time"? English is so inadequate sometimes. Do they have a word for guys who park badly? A wheel with no wheel cap? A rhino on a rampage? Nah, no real new words in a while. Blog is not an english word...argue all you like, provide references, when you done, put your evidence in a bowl, add some milk, a banana and EAT it. My uncle has been teaching English for aeons and he doesn't know what blogging is. He probably thinks I am trying to say bogging, which means a whole new thing altogether. He learnt to speak English from an ENGLISH man so his credentials are not in doubt. When you learn MAD from a ...man, you know you got the real shiznit. Ante natal is done, gotta run. You good people have a nice day.

ps
Tweet is an english word. It has nothing to do with the futyscking internet.

pps
In case you were wondering, the words are badparknista (pl. badparknistae) nudewheel (pl. nudewheels) and tazrhino (pl. tazrhinoes)

Rubbish, absolute rubbish. Well that's how I am feeling this morning. Ever have that feeling your eyes are going to pop if you let any light in? Fat chance anyone knows how I am feeling. You're all at work, pretending you have been anxiously waiting for Tuesday morning to make your boss the proudest mid-level manager in the world. Evil Peon!!

Anyway, I am in bed (my wife too) and I can not seem to wake up. I've said hi 10 times now and asks if I am not working today. Can't blame her, she has no idea her husband's eyes will pop if I let in more than one (1) ray of light. So, i flick an eyelid and say hi. My sight is in peril here, but I can't explain why to her, she'll snort and leave me for mad so I'll shoulder my burden alone. Jesus did, who am I not to? If she insists, I'll put my sight on the line for her.

What's eyesight anyway? An unrealistic sense that causes you to judge stuff wrong. I mean, people still fall down stairs, something blind people never do. Oh no, it's us and our overrated sight. Oh, that's a nice kitty, come here kitty, aaargh!! That's it fool, kitties are dangerous. If you hadn't seen it, you would not have tried to touch it, it follows then that you would not have been killed by kitty. So there you have it, I am going to open my eyes now and risk this hopelessly overrated sense.

Think about it, eyes just get you in trouble. Ever have a sweet dream. Well guess what, your eyes were closed while you had it. When you make love, guess what happens to your eyes when you climax, they shut, silly things; and when you kiss, the silly things are closed. I wont miss them at all. Goodbye left eye, I am opening you first, haha. I'll pop your friend last, Muhahahahaha!!

had a brilliant day 2day. the bank called and told me I had money on my account. can you imagine how nice it feels? called up my landlord and told him about the leaky sink and the dust from the road. muhahahaha, waited him to bring up the rent...

Landlord: but you know I can not fix without money.
Me: Is this about the rent?
Landlord: No, I am just saying I can not fix without money.
Me: So you are not saying my rent is due?
Landlord: It is due.
Me: So are you going to fix the sink? How much do you need.
Landlord: Three months
Me: You need the money to fix the sink three months in advance??
Landlord: No, the rent

anyway, I am rambling at will here. Maybe I should not have smoked that rubbish :-(