Man! I have no idea what to write about today. I want to write some sensible stuff today. Real stuff, none of that rubbish that congests my other posts but I seriously doubt my brain is up to this business. I am going to post a lesson in basic computer system administration.
Change of plan. Somehow, I can't keep a topic going past its paragraph limit. My brains require some low level organization so tonight I am going to format them and start partitioning from scratch. My brains (I have two) are kinda messed up coz I misplaced the partition tables as a child so this is not an easy task. Anyway, introducing (drum roll).......the DIY "fix you broken brain" tutorial for Windows.
Step 1: Run an antivirus scan
It is pointless to backup your stuff if there's lots of viral tenants loitering and throwing street bashes along your well tended cranial avenues. So, first we clean the old brain box up. Buy a license for your favorite antivirus and some laundry bleach. Mix these two ingredients and make sure the AV is thoroughly saturated with the bleach. Copy the bleached antivirus onto a USB drive.
Step 2: Transfer
Since your brain's security will not accept a remote antivirus installation, you need to transfer the program onto your internal storage manually. Plug the USB drive into your right ear (your brain has one USB port and it's right behind your right ossicles) and keep pushing until it slides into the port. Psst! If you survive this, you are in business. Copy the installation file into your temp folder and run it.
Step 3: Installation
Sometimes, your brain is *virulently viral*. This means that your brain is entirely controlled by the virus. Symptoms are general stupidity, inability to perform simple arithmetic procedures within reasonable time frames e.g. 1(2(1*60)) if this took more than two seconds to compute skip to step 40. Otherwise, run the setup and follow the blinking prompts to completion.
Step 4: Scan your brain
First things first, why are you running Windows on your brain(s)? I am digressing, back to business. Do a thorough scan of your frontal lobe first. That's the huge engine directly above your eyes. Apparently, it is responsible for higher cognitive functions - love, jogging, driving, picking up girls, impulse control i.e. you are just another wild eyed monkey without it. Don't want a virus in your impulse control room, do you? Imagine, falling in love with money (oh sh*t, I know some people...). Example abandoned! Imagine falling in love with your lamp shade. You don't know why but you love it above all things. What happens when you decide to take your relationship to the next level? Boss, just scan the stupid lobe, NOW!
This is part one of the DIY "fix your broken brain" tutorial. If you were following the procedure step by step, stay in your home until part two to avoid re-infection. Peace out, you good people stay cool and remember: Love is the answer.
